I make use of the phrase: You are working my last t-cell more times then I care to share.

Do not be shocked or alarmed

It is just a fact of this man’s life.

The summer/fall of 1991, I was very run-down & fatigued.

Terry, my boyfriend, said I needed to see someone about this.

At his urging I went to a doctor.

I took a battery of tests for chronic fatigue, Epstein’s Bar Virus, Hepatitis A – B & C, mono, etc.

ALL tests came back negative.

So what was wrong w/ me? (Please keep your comments to yourselves)

Terry, who was HIV positive, was certain I was sero-converting. 
I told him he was crazy, I had safe sex. Tho in all honesty: not always. Terry insisted I take a HIV test ˆ I said: No!

What would that prove? If I was HIV positive; I did not even want to think about such a thing.

We were living in Coconut Grove Florida @ this time & I was not in the mood to party as it was nearly Thanksgiving: White Party Weekend in Miami.

Terry had a nice brownstone on Perry Street in the West Village. (Terry was rich; Yes, life was tough back then)


I told him I wanted to go by myself.

He asked why & I said I needed some alone time.

Terry understood & let me go.

This was something that I knew I had to deal w/ on my own terms.

Arriving in NYC, I proceeded to find out about taking an anonymous HIV test. I went to a clinic on the upper eastside.

Instead of taking your name, they give you a number id.

It was Wednesday, November 27, 1991.

As it would take a few days for the results to come in; I had a few days to think; which included a weekend to worry & stress myself out.

Monday, December 2: I called Dr. Bellman‚s office for my results.

The receptionist asked that I come in. Come in?!

Oh no! The cannot give results cannot be given over the phone.

But, My gut feeling was not good.

I went in.

Damn it the elevator was broken that day.

I trudged up 5-6 flights of stairs to his practice.

Out of breath I sat, waited & perspired.

Soon I was taken into an inner office. 
The Doctor came in, looking grim.

Dr. Bellman (a warm, sensitive man) had tears as he told me that I had tested positive for the AIDS virus.

I just stared blankly & went into my own version of shock.

I do not remember leaving the office, but I know was in Greenwich Village.

I walked around for quite sometime w/ no particular destination.

The sky was a brilliant blue. 
In fact, I do not ever recall it being as blue as it was that day, even now.

The sun shown so bright; it was blinding.

An ethereal floating sensation came over me; as my mind raced .

Visions of loved ones & days gone by flew in & out of my head.

I ALWAYS told myself, if I became HIV poz I would END my life. 
I witnessed a few friends suffer & die horrific deaths.

That was not going to me. Or was it?
 Was I to die?

I was told that day; I had a good 6 to maybe 9 years of reasonable normal time (given the medications that were currently being utilized) before I would have AIDS.

AZT was the drug of the moment.

Six to Nine years!

Hello!
 Thus the new journey of life began.

I was about to turn 27; but all that was out the door.

Life restarted that day.

The 1st few years consisted of me dying’ & being weak of heart & spirit.
 I was my worst enemy. 
I did & did not give a shit.

Then one day, I stopped feeling sorry for myself.

The pity party of one needed to end.

I decided to LIVE. (see Auntie Mame)

There can be a lot to say about attitude. 
GOOD attitude.

It is now been 20 years.

Not a day goes by that I am not reminded.

I take my regiment of pills everyday.

It is a far change from the all the different pills that have come & gone.

I have great health insurance & wonderful doctor(s) & nurses who have watched over me.

But, as I want to remain transparent, there are choices that I have made in regards to my health have been wise & stupid.

Usually: more stupid: Recreational party favors anyone?!

I am lucky. I know.

I do not share this info very often, because I am in the biz of image & perception.

Everyone wants to be thought of as healthy, looking good; yada yada yada; sometimes @ a cost that’s irreversible.

I gather info from others to learn & improve life. 
I know I am observed & judged from what people perceive me to be: We are ALL constantly reminded of perceptions & judgements.

What appears to be is not always the REAL.

The truth is the best & ONLY way to be.

I have been hospitalized 2x w/ complications. I did @ one time actually / clinically have AIDS. My immune system was worn-out.

Today: Healthy as a horse, Over 1000 t-cells & an undetectable virus. (crazy, right?!)

I am here to stay; today is December 1 is World AIDS Day, take a moment to think of those who are not as fortunate & think what you can do to help them out.

A kind word or act makes a huge difference to someone.

A point must be made that HIV / AIDS is not going away, in fact it is now the 3rd leading cause of death among African-American women in their 30s & 40s;

The number of new infections among gay & bi-sexual black men under 30 has increased 48% between 2006 & 2009 (the latest U.S. figures available)

This epidemic’s epicenter falls in the South, where poverty & lack of affordable health care are thwarting education, testing, & treatment.

16 southern states & Washington D.C. account for nearly 50% of the country’s new infections according to Patrick Packer, executive director of the Southern AIDS Coalition.

Learn more & share this w/ others http://www.southernaidscoalition.org